Wednesday, January 16, 2008

A Shift in Perspective

One of the things that they don't tell you about pregnancy (I'm discovering there are a lot of these) is that your perspective shifts. You suddenly find yourself thinking about things in a whole new way....and I'm not even talking about the Big things. The thoughts that keep you up at night when you are going to the bathroom every two hours (which is preparation for nursing I think)......thoughts like "Can we afford to feed and clothe a baby and pay for day care and pay our mortgage and all of our bills and maybe even buy a new car soon? How about college and, oh my goodness her wedding? And once we pay for college and her wedding will we have enough money to retire or are we going to be working until we are 80 years old? We should really look into our retirement savings, maybe we should talk to a financial planner.....let's add that to my to-do list for tomorrow, to find a financial planner....speaking of to-do list, I have to call hospitals to find out about birthing classes, and the church to find out about baptismal classes....when can I do this? Maybe tomorrow, no, not tomorrow I have a meeting before and after school and there's never enough time during lunch, maybe on Wednesday...."

No, I'm not even talking about those thoughts. I'm talking about ordinary every day things suddenly taking on new meaning. Food for example. Once upon a time food used to just be food. Now, I'll be eating breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, and I think in terms of servings--"OK, veggies, protein, fruit, I have to eat fruit later....and for breakfast I had whole grains and more I better have more veggies for dinner and maybe another serving of protein." Food is no longer just peanut butter and jelly and an apple. Nope, now it's about wondering if my baby is getting everything she needs and if I'm eating the right amounts of everything.

And then there are the thoughts you have when someone tells you something random and this conversation yesterday: "You are really big!! Of course, you were so tiny to begin with, that's probably why...." OK, does she mean I'm big because I've gained too much weight? Have I gained too much weight? How much is too much? My book says a pound a week, am I doing that? Why is she saying it's because I was so tiny--is she trying to make up for the fact that she thinks I'm gaining too much weight? And what in the world am I supposed to say back to someone who I think is just calling me fat? Or how about this one: "When is your due date?" Me: "June 6th" "Oh! That's my dog's birthday! My sweet little blah blah blah named blah." OK, her dog has the same birthday as my due date....what is an appropriate response to that?

Then, there are shoes. Yes, shoes. If you know me at all, then you know that I love shoes. I love my high heeled, pointy toed, bad-for-my-back shoes. I think longingly of the brand new pair of brown suede high heeled shoes that are (dare I say it?) lovingly wrapped and stored in my closet, waiting to be worn. I look enviously at some of my colleagues in their snazzy high heels that clickety clack down the hall. And then I put on a pair of sensible, rubber soled shoes. Because the very thought of putting on those heels makes me wince at the pain in my lower back that is already a constant and cringe at the thought of the jarring feeling of those heels against the concrete floors that I walk on all day long. The funny part about this is that I am, apparently, known for my shoes. More than one person has told me that I will have to stop wearing the heels, or they have commented on the fact that I have stopped wearing them. Who knew people were paying so much attention to my feet all these years?

There are more.....many more....but I bet you are getting the gist. One crazy side effect of pregnancy is that you really do have all of these thoughts about everything all the time. I mean, I know you do normally, but this is way beyond normal....


Kelli said...

You are too cute.
It gives me chills now, hearing you refer to HER instead of the baby.

(And your whole inner monologue you went through after someone told you that you were getting "big" made me come very close to spewing coffee everywhere...)

Tina said...

Actually, its not way beyond normal.
You should get used to it now, because the reality is...

this is your new normal.

And soon, you will be obsessing about all the comments people make about your daughter, too.

Welcome to motherhood!