Monday, February 05, 2007

Cruising along

My husband and I are going on a cruise in twelve more days. That's right, twelve more days and we will be sailing through the western Caribbean, stopping off at Belize City, Cozumel, Grand Cayman.....turquoise water, sunshine and blue skies are all just a few short days away.

The cruise, in its initial planning stages, was meant to be our last vacation before we had our baby. Seeing as how things aren't working out the way I'd prayed, it is just going to be a vacation for vacation's sake. A trip we gifted to ourselves because darn it, we work hard and we deserve a vacation.

Funny thing, pregnancy. I naively thought it would be easy. Why wouldn't it be when I have overwhelming evidence that it is easy. So many cousins, on both sides of my family, who seemed to get pregnant without any trouble at all. I thought we try, we are blessed with a baby. Then again, this naivete might be something that, at some point in my schooling, was drilled into my head--you know, the health class in high school where the boys are rowdy and making all sorts of inappropriate comments and the girls are sitting straight and tall, trying to act more mature than the boys (said with disgust and a shaking of the head). I seriously believed it would be that easy. I seriously believed one month, maybe two, and then I'd be on my way to being pregnant. No one ever tells you the other statistics....not until you actually start trying. Then all of a sudden, there are all of these facts that you've never heard of before. What do you mean it takes an average of nine to twelve months to conceive? That's not what they said in high school health class. No, no, no, it only takes one time to get pregnant.

Well....apparently it does take nine to twelve months. Apparently it doesn't work out the first time you start trying. No matter how much you are hoping and wishing and praying. No matter how many ovulation predictor tests you take, or cycle calendars you print out... Know what else they don't tell you? That it doesn't get easier. You want it to. You want to not be sad every time you discover you aren't pregnant. But somehow, in some deep corner of you, you are sad. And just a little bit disappointed. And just a little bit guilt-ridden.
Luckily, I am a glass half-full kind of person, so all those feelings don't last long. And I return to my usual cheery disposition, with the knowledge, no, the faith, that I will get pregnant. It does only take one time. One miracle.


Kelli said...

I have had you and Russ in my thoughts and prayers quite a bit lately.
You're so right with this post too...that as kids we're brainwashed into "it only takes once" and get the feeling that people are going to be popping babies out left and right once they start sleeping together.

I have yet to journey down the road you two are going through now...I am sure it's not easy. And can be frustrating and sad and disappointing...and well, a bummer.

When I was a little girl, I used to tell my parents that I met my brother Stephen, up in heaven and we decided we wanted to be siblings...and THEN we decided that I'd come down from heaven first with him to follow parents loved that story - esp. b/c I was SO sure it was true.

While I'm older now, a part of my heart still believes in that story I made up as a little girl - and I think somewhere - up among the stars - is your little miracle - your little angel. He or she has already picked the two of you out for parents and now she (or he!) is just deciding when the best time to arrive would be...and my, how blessed she (or he!) WILL be once they arrive and become part of your family.

Be well, both of you. Enjoy your vacation. You two deserve it.

Lots of Love and Prayers coming down from Boston - as always.

Tina said...

You never know, maybe it will be the last vacation before you have a baby. Maybe you'll be so gosh darn sick and nauseous when you do get pregnant that the mere mention of a cruise will send you running for the bathroom. Then you'll really be glad you took this vacation. And let me say, I am definitely jealous.

John said...

There's more than one kid that I know of who was conceived on a cruse ship.

Dianna said...

I am sending you BIG hugs from us here. I know that having a baby is such a different experience for everyone and can be very hard. Always remember we are here for you and that the glass is half full)!

I love Kelli's story and I agree whole heartedly that things happen for a reason and your miracle just is waiting for his/her time.

Have fun, relax, enjoy your vacation and savor this special time you have together! Have a pina colada for me! :) Miss you guys!