Monday, February 08, 2010

Mommy lesson #1

Sometimes I write posts and I think, "I can't publish this, I sound like I'm complaining...." but the thing is, this is where I am, in this moment in time. These are my thoughts and feelings, the things I'm wondering and figuring out.....this is my snapshot in time as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, teacher and student. So here it is, without apology or complaint.
I'm sick.
I'm not one to admit that, and especially not to the large Internet world, but there it is.

Now time for the mommy lesson:
It's not about me's about Aliza.

Oh, I know you know this in theory. You know when you get pregnant that it's not about you anymore. From the second you conceive, your body is not your own and you begin to figure it out.
In theory.
Then the baby arrives and you really start to figure it out. If that little bundle of joy wants to eat at 2 a.m. then, gosh darn it, you are going to drag yourself out of bed and feed her. It doesn't matter how bone tired you are, you do it. Because you are a mom.

And if that baby girl decides, just as you are about to start cooking dinner, that she needs you RIGHT NOW, then you stop what you are doing and be with her. Because you are a mom.

Today, I had a Day. You know what I mean.....the kind of day that leaves you drained, emotionally and physically. The kind of day where you are driving home and all you want are cozy clothes, a rather large glass of wine and a pint of the good ole' boys: Ben and Jerry. Today, I was driving home on the verge of tears because I knew that what awaited me was a sick little girl I spent the day worrying about who only wanted me to hold her close. And a project for class that I am supposed to talk to my principal with on Wednesday. And old papers to correct, two loads of laundry to put away, a dishwasher to empty, a trip to the grocery store to get the things Aliza needs according to the doctor and.....well, you get the picture.
But I am a mom. So despite my desire to curl into a little ball, I came home, took care of my little girl, went to get the stuff she needed to feel better, emptied that dishwasher, worked a bit on my project and spent the night hoping, wishing, praying that my little girl sleeps through the night for the first time in several nights.
And I did it all.
Because this is the reality of being a mom.
And I am a mom.


Keetha said...

How funny - I mean, not your day and that you're sick and your child is sick - but it's like we were both having bad no good days on Monday.

Hope things are looking up!

Kelli said...

Ugh. I had a bad no good day Monday too.

I think days like that are why chocolate was invented!