Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Dilemma

I have a friend....no, really, I do.

And she screwed up. At least I think she did. She sent an email to me. About me.
Yeah. Oops.

She immediately sent another email claiming the first email was meant to be about someone else. She then emailed a few other random things, then called- twice, and texted. All signs of a guilty person I feel.

We chatted, she told me a story that doesn't make sense in the context of the email she sent. I gave her several opportunities to admit she messed up, she stuck to her story and that was that.

But then I got annoyed. Hurt and upset and angry. She is, was, my best friend. The one person I thought was NOT talking about me behind my back. The one person I thought I could trust. Fine, people need to vent, but dear lord, at least have the decency to admit when you are wrong.

I decided I would be civil, but not friendly. She caught on rather quickly and sent me another email mentioning that things seem different and telling me she'd like to chat. I replied and said that we should talk in person. Since then, nothing. No emails, texts or visits.

I feel that she is the one who messed up so she should seek me out. I have no idea what she thinks but we are now, clearly, not talking. I had the best speech prepared for her. I was debating about what exactly I should say, how mean I should be..... but now? Now, I am losing the will and the desire to say it at all. Ultimately, I won't get what I want: the truth. I believe she is lying, but I also believe that she won't back down from the lie. Doing so would mean she would have to admit she messed up twice: first in the sending of the email and then in concocting a story to cover up the email. I also believe that our friendship, no matter what, is forever changed. Because now she is one more person who is talking about me behind my back. And now I don't trust her.

So this, then, is my dilemma. Do I let it go and attempt to return to a somewhat normal relationship with her, while keeping in mind that she may very well be talking about me behind my back? Or do I give her the speech that I prepared, knowing that she will, most likely, be talking about me behind my back?
I honestly don't know. What I do know is that I am sad. And hurt. I miss my friendship with her a lot. And I know that no matter what, our friendship is forever changed.

9 comments:

JaxMom said...

Man, Lisa, that is tough. We all need our best friends, those people we feel love us and back us unconditionally.

No matter how much we annoy them/they annoy us, we should be able to have it out face to face or voice to voice, and not behind a back, and NOT on email.

I don't know what she could have vented/emailed about, but I do know that having a child and completely changing your lifestyle can have a tremendous affect on relationships we have with other people - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

Hang in there. Hopefully you will get your chance to state your peace, and slowly after time the wounds will heal.

Kelli said...

I remember once in college, my junior year, I lived in a suite with 4 other girls - two of whom I considered my best friends at the time.

The suite was set up so we all had singles and shared one common bathroom. I came home after a late class one night to hear these two best friends of mine talking all about me. Sure, the one friend's bedroom door was closed but dorm walls and doors? We all know they're not thick - esp. when you walk right past the room they were in to head to your own.

I can still remember how awful and upset I felt - especially having confided everything to both of them.
Today I'm still friends with one of them, not the other. Our friendship was forever changed after that day too and I'm definitely not as open with the one I'm still in touch with.

This is tough, Li. Sending hugs, support, and hope that this works out for the best.

Tina said...

You can't let it go, because even if you do your relationship can't go back. And don't be mean, be honest. People say mean things out of anger or jealousy. I don't know which was the case here, probably the latter, but don't fall into the same pattern! Don't respond to what she might have said, but rather the fact that she said it at all.

And then... put it behind you and move on. If she is really your best friend you will have to learn from it and not lose her over it.

Jules said...

Oh wow, I don't know what to do in situations like these. We love our friends, we want to hand out forgiveness and live by that old adage of "forgive and forget," but how much easier that is said than done. I'm confident you'll make your way through it all with the right outcome for you--if only it were easier though!

Thanksgiving pictures of Aliza are adorable! Happy Holidays!

Keetha said...

Oh, goodness, I'm so sorry. Something like that just takes you back to the elementary school playground, mean girls in the cafeteria.

It sounds like you've gotten some great advice - the friendship is changed, no matter what.

Thinking of you.

Dianna said...

Li I am sending you a BIG hug! I think its important to be true to yourself and honest with the situation. You are a strong person and will follow your heart to the right thing to do.
Love you!

PS- We are in CT escaping the storms of NH and our powerless house to help my parents pack as they are moving in 3 weeks! I will try to call ya tomorrow!

JaxMom said...

Hope you are surving the storms out East. Don't know how far it reached or if you were in its past, but know you are in our thoughts.

suz

KTP said...

Why on EARTH would anyone talk about you behind your back in any way but a good one? You are among the nicest people in the world. I hope you work it out.

By the way, the word verification wants me to type "Blessess."

Jules said...

I just finished reading Love Walked In, and LOVED it. I picked up since it was on your blog here as your current reading. Are you enjoying it? It was one of those books I hoped would never end...