I have a friend....no, really, I do.
And she screwed up. At least I think she did. She sent an email to me. About me.
Yeah. Oops.
She immediately sent another email claiming the first email was meant to be about someone else. She then emailed a few other random things, then called- twice, and texted. All signs of a guilty person I feel.
We chatted, she told me a story that doesn't make sense in the context of the email she sent. I gave her several opportunities to admit she messed up, she stuck to her story and that was that.
But then I got annoyed. Hurt and upset and angry. She is, was, my best friend. The one person I thought was NOT talking about me behind my back. The one person I thought I could trust. Fine, people need to vent, but dear lord, at least have the decency to admit when you are wrong.
I decided I would be civil, but not friendly. She caught on rather quickly and sent me another email mentioning that things seem different and telling me she'd like to chat. I replied and said that we should talk in person. Since then, nothing. No emails, texts or visits.
I feel that she is the one who messed up so she should seek me out. I have no idea what she thinks but we are now, clearly, not talking. I had the best speech prepared for her. I was debating about what exactly I should say, how mean I should be..... but now? Now, I am losing the will and the desire to say it at all. Ultimately, I won't get what I want: the truth. I believe she is lying, but I also believe that she won't back down from the lie. Doing so would mean she would have to admit she messed up twice: first in the sending of the email and then in concocting a story to cover up the email. I also believe that our friendship, no matter what, is forever changed. Because now she is one more person who is talking about me behind my back. And now I don't trust her.
So this, then, is my dilemma. Do I let it go and attempt to return to a somewhat normal relationship with her, while keeping in mind that she may very well be talking about me behind my back? Or do I give her the speech that I prepared, knowing that she will, most likely, be talking about me behind my back?
I honestly don't know. What I do know is that I am sad. And hurt. I miss my friendship with her a lot. And I know that no matter what, our friendship is forever changed.