You could almost smell the desperation coming from them

This past Saturday I was invited, by the Director of Human Resources for our district, to attend a job fair that is held in our town. It is actually a job fair for the entire county that I work in, held in the very middle school my husband teaches in.

The last time I was at this job fair was when I myself attended, and landed an interview with the principal that would eventually end up hiring me. My memories of that event are hazy at best, colored by my nervousness and the desperate need to procure a job.


Well, attending it now, as a veteran teacher pursuing her administrative degree, was a whole different experience. First of all, I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people (mostly women) that were there. For the five and a half hours that I was there, the middle school gym was, quite literally, packed. Secondly, they all looked the same. Black suits, pantyhose, heels, hair combed, make up on, resume or briefcase in hand. I did see one woman in jeans and one man in a track suit. They were turned away rather quickly from almost every table they went to. If you can't take the time to look a little nice, then why should a district take the time to interview you? Finally, they all seemed so....well, desperate. Trying so hard to make themselves stand out, to say just the right thing that would get them past the first hurdle (a screening interview) and upstairs to the second (an interview with a principal, or headmaster, or director of curriculum). Which, of course, would lead them to another, larger, hurdle: an interview with a specific principal of a building for a specific teaching spot. It was an uphill battle for many of the people seeking jobs, and hence, their desperation.


The district I work in has no trouble attracting candidates. Especially for elementary education. In fact, we were clearly instructed to turn away any candidate at the elementary level who did not possess teaching experience (most of them didn't, other than their student teaching of course), unless they stood out as "stellar". Rather than permitting them an interview, we took their resumes, shook their hands and threw their papers in a box. A rather large box. I couldn't help but wonder how in the world I managed to get a job. I also decided that it was such a large responsibility to control the fate of these people. To know that their chances of making it upstairs were practically nonexistent. And then making it past the interview upstairs was also virtually impossible. I wanted to tell all of those people standing in line to choose another district because they weren't going to go past those gym doors in ours. But how do you crush the hope of someone so desperate?

Baby belly

Here it is: 30 weeks today.....ten more to go!

On the cusp

You know that moment in your life when you are anticipating the panic to come, but haven't quite gotten there yet? You can see all that you have to do towering before you, but your brain hasn't quite processed it all yet so you haven't actually started to freak out?
That's right where I am now.

I kinda like it here actually. Not stressed. Not overwhelmed. Just going day to day, ignoring the to do list that gets longer, the parent-teacher conferences that are approaching. the mountain of papers I haven't corrected because I'm too darn tired at night but that need to be corrected before conferences, the huge project that I have to do for my class that is due (of course) right smack in the middle of conferences, the publishing projects that the parents seem to think is a GREAT idea to throw at teachers right before conferences that entails our regular curriculum to come to a screeching halt so every child can choose their absolute-best-better-than-the-kid-next-to-them-writing-piece and make it even more amazing so that all the other parents can read this anthology and exclaim over how amazing their children are, the weekends that are so busy you start every Monday feeling like you need another weekend, and there is no end in sight to the craziness.....you get the gist.

Do you also know those moments in life when you look back and wonder how the heck you survived? Kinda like my second year of teaching when I had just switched grade levels, was working on my BEST portfolio (whose outcome could potentially impact the rest of my career) and was waitressing part time? Plus, of course, being involved in a couple of committees....to this day I have no idea how I 1) survived the year and 2) managed to pass my portfolio.
I'm right there too. I can already tell that I'm going to look back on this period of my life and wonder how in the heck I did it all.

But for now, I'll stay here, poised on a precipice, blogging instead of working, enjoying the view from the bottom of my to-do mountain.

Class

Last weekend (awhile ago now, I know) Russ and I went to our birthing class. We opted for the 9-5 one shot deal, rather than the 6 or so weeks of one hour a night on a Wednesday. Everyone around me seemed to think the class would be more helpful for Russ than for me....I can't say that they were wrong exactly, but I did find it informative.

We began by talking about the stages of labor. Actually, I lied, we began by doing one of those cheesy interview the people next to you to discover what you can about them and then introduce them to the rest of the class. Amazing how quickly you are introduced as boy or girl/ due date/is the nursery decorated/do you have a name picked out. Rather than age, job, where you live etc. Then we started learning about the stages of labor. This was the part I found most interesting--learning about the contractions, how far along they have to be before you call the doctor, what the early stages and signs are, when you should panic etc. Russ, god bless him, took copious notes. While I sat there enjoying the fact that the woman teaching the course mentioned, more than once, that the mama to be will get increasingly crabby and, in extreme cases, downright nasty. I don't want to be that crabby delivery lady and I hope I'm not, but I do like that I was given permission to be. Not that you need permission when you are pushing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a grapefruit. If that's not permission to do whatever you darn well want I don't know what is.

We also got to practice breathing, which felt rather silly even while I was doing it. I figured out right away (and told Russ even sooner) that I didn't like it when he tapped on my hands or shoulders while breathing even when I wasn't having contractions and I bet it would annoy me even more when I was. He made note of that too. Then our instructor got some "contraction machines" for the men, so they could experience what it would be like. I think all the women in the room got a little thrill out of that, and I'm sure they were just as disappointed as I was when they discovered that the contraction machines were nothing more than ice cubes. Yes. Ice cubes. She made the men squeeze them for the length of a contraction while in one of the many birthing positions we learned about, and while they practiced their breathing too. She had them do this twice, and the second time, we women got to rub ice cubes other places (like the back of their neck, or their lower back) because, as the instructor said, you feel the discomfort from the contractions in other places. The men all stood up afterwards, shaking their hands and exchanging macho grins with comments of "that sucked". Aside from the fact that contractions last for HOURS not mere seconds, as the men experienced, I can say that I haven't had a single contraction and I am already POSITIVE they are nothing at all like squeezing ice cubes in your hands. Puh-lease. It all felt rather ridiculous to me. But it just proved something that I have long suspected- there is no way men could possibly handle pregnancy, or childbirth.

We got to take a tour of the hospital where I hope to deliver. Where, I discovered, they only allow the husband and one other person in the birthing room during delivery. So even if I wanted to have my mom, mother in law, sister and sister in law in the room (which I don't) I couldn't. I also discovered that this hospital believes that after the birth the mom, dad and baby need to be alone for an hour and they absolutely will not let anyone in during that hour no matter what. After the hour is up, then the baby is weighed and measured, momma and daddy and baby are brought upstairs to their own room and then, and only then, can they have visitors. I, of course, immediately asked who would be the one that would tell the family about that rule because giving birth or not I wasn't so sure anyone would be able to keep my family out of the room once Baby Girl arrives. And I sure as heck wasn't going to be the one to tell them they had to wait a full hour to see their newest granddaughter! Luckily, the nurses get to convey that happy news, and I will be too busy to deal with the reactions!

The best part of the class was most definitely when they wheeled in a little baby girl who had been born a mere seven hours before. She was the tiniest little peanut and looked just like heaven on earth. And suddenly, it was all so real.

Actually, the best part of the class might have been watching Russ' face when we got to watch the two birthing videos- one of a C-section, and one of a natural birth. Having seen a natural birth before (thanks to my sister and second niece) I knew what it looked like. Russ, however, had no idea, and the look on his face was, well, priceless. Even better when he turned to me and asked "Why is the baby covered with all that gunk?" I guess he thought the baby comes out all shiny new and clean.....eleven weeks to go and then he can see it all up close and personal. Hopefully he'll remember not to tap on my shoulders....

Our first piece of baby furniture!

Overheard

N: Mrs. S. I have a note to go to brownies but O just told me there isn't brownies today.

Me: Well, you better go down to the office to call your Mom and tell her that you are getting on the bus. N, hurry up though because we are leaving now and we can't hold the buses forever.

N:OK.

(I turn my back to assist the student that takes at least ten minutes to pack up EVERY day, assuming that N has left to make a call since we are about to walk out of the classroom door and board the buses.)

Three minutes later:

N: Mrs. S, should I go call now?



************************************************************************

Me: Boys and girls, I just got an email a few minutes ago and they changed the lunch menu today. Instead of Grilled Cheese it's Pizza. Raise your hands for Pizza.

N: Mrs. S, my Mom didn't know it was Pizza.

Me: Well, no one knew, like I said I just got the email a few minutes ago.

N: Oh, well........what should I do?

Me: Do you want pizza or do you want a bagel plate for lunch today?

N: I brought a lunch from home.



************************************************************************

Me: I'm going to collect your test booklets, N will collect rulers and you get to keep your pencils.
30 seconds later....
A: Mrs. S, can I collect the pencils?

Me: No, you are keeping them, remember? (Not only did I just say it, but we've talked about it practically the entire week of CMT's.)
1 minute later....
I: Wait, no one took my pencil.

Me: (in a very loud voice) You are KEEPING YOUR PENCILS!
1 minute later....
G: I only have one pencil, not two Mrs. S, I can't find the second one to give back to you. (This is because for the last seven days I've been saying, I give you two pencils, you give me back two pencils because I knew the pencils would mysteriously disappear and by day 3 of testing I wouldn't have any. The kid listened to that, but not to be screaming that they are keeping their pencils.)

Me: You are keeping your pencils.
Another 30 seconds later...
N: Mrs. S, why didn't anyone take my pencils?

Me: (teeth gritted and a horrible smile on my face) You are KEEPING them.

Bragging rights

Sisters have the right to brag I feel...

Check it out:
http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/gallery/02_28_08_walter_reed/

I should have stayed in bed....

You know those mornings where you wake up and you very quickly realize that you should have stayed in bed? And then the morning progresses and it doesn't get any better??? That was my morning today.....

The alarm went off at 5:03 and I woke with a vague headache (no big surprise since it was raining and I always get a headache when it rains) and that feeling in my stomach that meant that I would, once again, be throwing up before the morning was out (also no big surprise since that seems to have started again for me--three days last week and now two this week). I roll out of bed and go about my morning, knowing that I have to leave earlier to trade cars with my Mom so mine can go in the shop because apparently, when a red light starts flashing, you are supposed to stop driving. Who knew?!?

Next I couldn't get dressed. You know what that's like--when first of all it feels like you don't have any clothes, secondly you are tired of all of your clothes that you do have and finally nothing is fitting right. Mornings like that suck when you aren't pregnant, but when you are pregnant....well, let's just say you resign yourself to the fact that chances are high that you just won't feel like you look good all day long. Four outfits and one quick run to the toilet to wait patiently for the throwing up that didn't happen and I'm ready to go.....
As I'm putting on my shoes- literally, one shoe on and one off- I make another dash for the bathroom where (not even kidding) I heave and throw up for six minutes. My headache is now worse and I am running later than I want to be.....

Moving on.....
Now that I'm late, I hit the road praying the red light doesn't go on in my car again before I get to my parent's house (it did- but I make it there safely anyway). I pull in the driveway and discover that there is a tree blocking the whole driveway.
Again, not kidding. At this point I seriously consider turning around, and light flashing or not, drive myself home and crawl back into my cozy bed.
Instead, I wake up my poor Dad, who comes outside to check out the situation (did I mention it's raining? Not hard, just a fine drizzle that lets up but still....). He decides he needs a chainsaw and goes to get one. It takes him a few tries to start it (I was convinced it wouldn't start, or it would run out of gas because that is just how the day is going) but he gets it going an 30 minutes later the tree is out of the way and I am on the way.

Five minutes into my drive on the Parkway the gas light in the car goes on.
There are no gas stations off the Parkway for about thirteen exits.
I decide to try and make it, recalling numerous stories from my mom about driving for three days with the gas light on. Perhaps I am tempting fate, perhaps I subconsciously don't want to make it to school at this point, but I go for it anyway.....and, I actually make it. Shocking, I know!
I get to school with ten minutes to spare, ready to take a nap....

Saint Lucia- a photo montage

Saint Lucia was, in a word, PARADISE.

It's a funny island- not funny ha-ha, but funny interesting. It's an island that is clearly on the verge of becoming a serious tourist trap, but is not quite there yet. Tourism only recently, within the last few years, became the major economy of the island. I imagine if we returned in a few years it will be far more developed than it was now....Anyway, I digress....

We spent the whole week doing absolutely nothing--besides sitting on a beach and reading. I forgot how great it felt to read...and read.....and read.....these days the only reading I do is the writing of my third graders or dense articles and books for class. I made it through a few books-- Wicked (didn't love it as much as I had hoped, although I must admit I was cheering on the Wicked Witch of the West by the end of it, and I did like the perspective the author took), Belly Laughs (I have a whole post in mind about this book--it's by Jenny McCarthy and it is all about pregnancy. The whole TRUTH. If you are pregnant or have been, then you should read it.) Nineteen Minutes (A Jodi Picoult book, and true to her style, it was intense and emotional and surprising at the end. And so beautifully written I couldn't put it down. She's an amazing author I think.) And then there were two Nora Roberts books whose titles I truly can't remember but they were perfect beach reads--easy and trashy and fun.

Our biggest adventure was wading into the water to buy fruit from The Fruit Man:

He pulled up every day and guests would wade out to him and order up some fresh fruit. I stood in that glorious water and drank the milk from a coconut that he had just cracked in front of me. Then I sat underneath our cabana and ate fresh mangoes.

Russ drank this:

The local beer--which we discovered you could get for only $2.50 at some bars! He's determined to find a place here in chilly CT that will order it for him he liked it so much.

And I drank gallons of this:
We woke up and looked out our window and saw this every single morning:

Then we would walk outside to eat breakfast and see this:

We ate breakfast (fresh fruit every morning!!!) here:We even checked out some local wildlife:

(That's a caterpiller. Unlike any I've ever seen!)

Finally, we hung out on the beach and checked out the views:

And I did, in fact, rock the bikini.

Where has the week gone?!?

I started a post Tuesday....and suddenly it is Friday and the post isn't finished and, clearly, isn't published. (It's a good post too, I'm hanging on to it for later.) Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I love it when the weeks go fast, but man, this one FLEW. Today is our last day before our winter vacation....which means that in two days I'll be on a beach in Saint Lucia. You can go right ahead and be a little jealous, I would be too honestly. But keep in mind that this is probably going to be our last vacation for some time. (That doesn't make it much better, does it!?!? I'd say I'm sorry, but really, I'm so excited for beaches, bikinis and books that I'm not at all sorry.) I've been told by several people now that floating in the water with my pregnant belly will be awesome, so I'm looking forward to that too....

A few other random thoughts--
Yesterday, the PE teacher and the music teacher were debating whether I had a basketball or a volleyball for a belly. They agreed volleyball. Russ told me he disagreed and he thought beach ball. Thank goodness I love the man so much because he clearly still hasn't learned that he shouldn't say things like that to his pregnant wife.

Yesterday I got a collection of Valentine's from my students....most of which went right into the trash. (Despite what everyone tries to tell you, the baby does NOT need junk food!!! And I am NOT eating for two!!!) I must admit though, that it is rather fun to be working with third graders around holidays. They get SO excited about the littlest things, and they all left yesterday exclaiming over their bags of candy.

This morning I realized, for the first time, that I couldn't see my feet. I'm not really sure when that happened but it's a little surreal to look down and not see your legs or your feet or your toes.... I mean, I know they are all there obviously but I can't see them.

Yesterday we had a scientist visit our class and do some super fun chemical reaction experiments. (Because, yes, in third grade, we learn about physical and chemical reactions and the three states of matter. I feel like I didn't learn those things until at least middle school.) One of the experiments they did was to create this green gooey stuff. Guess how many of them had it all over their hands and clothes? I deserved a Nobel Peace Prize for the amount of patience I displayed yesterday. Even more so after every single one of my parents attending my Valentine's Day party told me that I looked exhausted and then proceeded to stand around and chat while I ran the whole party.....

I am 24 weeks today-which puts me squarely in my sixth month and also a few weeks away from the end of my second trimester. Again, where did the time go?!?

Somehow I got sucked into being videotaped using a Smart Board. I did three different lessons using it--two for Reading workshop and one for math. I initially thought this was just going to be shared with our Central Office staff, most of whom know me, if not by name, then by face, and (I think) respect me as a professional. Then, after I was bullied into it....errr, agreed, I learned that no, this wasn't for Central Office staff, but for the Board of Education. And the Board of Finance. And the Board of Selectman. Once I found that out, I was totally thrown and can honestly say that I have no idea what I said while being videotaped. Hopefully I sounded reasonable intelligent.

OK, that's it for now.....hopefully I'll finish that other post soon, although it may have to wait until AFTER Saint Lucia......(Sorry, I had to throw it out there one more time!)

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen snippets...

1) Last weekend (awhile ago, I know) was a crazy busy weekend, but a very good one. I spent time with family and began the process of registering for my baby showers. We decided that registering for a baby is way more overwhelming than registering for a bridal shower. So many choices! And they all seem so important! And some are so foreign! Thank God I have an older sister who gave me good advice on brands and on what I don't really need. If I followed the Babies R' Us guide, I would be registering for five pages worth of baby products!

2) I've spent the last two and a half weeks frantically writing and revising new curriculum for third grade teachers for reading workshop. The reason it was frantic, and only two and a half weeks, is because that's when my team found out we were to present the new curriculum to the third grade teachers on a professional development day on February 5th. The process of writing this year long curriculum has been frustrating, to say the least. The work itself is not frustrating, but the overall process and leadership has been frustrating. We've been saying, as a team, the same things from the beginning of our work together a year and a half ago now but no one seems to be listening- or hearing. Tuesday's presentation was the ultimate in frustration with our district coordinator literally making changes to the unit as people were walking in for the presentation.....However, standing before the third grade teachers, I was proud of the work we've done.

3) To continue in that vein--it's all about perspective really. As frustrating as this process of writing curriculum has been, one of my teammates put it all in perspective when she said "Just think, the work we did will impact thousands of students." I hadn't thought of it like that and suddenly, the long hours and the fact that I'm behind in my regular school work was all worth it. We did good.

4) I'm ready for a snow day, even though vacation is a mere week away.

5) Did I mention that we finally booked our February vacation? That's right, in just nine days I will be here: Saint Lucia.

6) We spent more money than we should have, but justified it by saying that it's our last vacation for awhile. That and the fact that frankly, we've both earned it.

7) I already know a lot about my daughter. I know, for example, that she likes Twizzlers and banana ice cream, especially in milk shake form. (This sounds like I've eaten a lot of those, but I truly haven't. I've only had banana ice cream maybe 5 times and Twizzlers twice. And I'm six months pregnant. Not so bad.) But every time I eat those things she wiggles and bops around. She also likes music, Old 97's seem to be her favorite band so far. Oh, and she loves it when her Daddy reads to her, which he did the other day. (Good Night Moon, a classic) She doesn't like sushi, or at least not since the last time I tried it and threw it all up. (Which is such a bummer for me.) She wakes up in the middle of the night and moves around, unless she's been particularly active during the day, in which case she'll sleep through the night. (Mental note, keep her active during the day so she'll sleep through the night.)

8) I need to buy some shorts for our vacation. And maybe a maternity bathing suit, depending on how horrible I look in my old bikinis. The thought of walking around half naked in my current state is a bit daunting so I may have to splurge and buy the maternity bathing suits. Where in the world do you buy shorts? Maternity shorts, at that? In February?!

9) Two weekends ago, Russ hung up these curtains. They were our first baby purchase. We discussed the fact that we probably should have started with something a bit smaller (and less expensive) like, say, an outfit, but it was still fun. Every time I walk in the room now I get a little thrill of excitement. Imagine how excited I'll be when there is a crib, and rocker and changing table and...

10) I have a few students that are adorably excited about my daughter. One little boy, who I swear barely comes up to my knees (OK, not really, but the little guy is tiny) literally dives for the ground any time I drop something. He also actually tried to help me up the other day by supporting my back. And then I have one little girl who I will find, every now and again, right in front of me, wanting to rub my belly. It is very sweet and very endearing.

11) I threw up this morning. Blech. That's calmed down considerably but still resurfaces every now and again. And it's still not fun.

12) I spent Monday shadowing an administrator at the high school I graduated from. Wild. I actually got to sit in on an observation of a teacher I once had, whose son had a major crush on me which led to a conversation with a teacher that ended up making me want to teach. Even more wild. The experience was such a great one....he struck me right away as the kind of principal I want to be. If I ever get there.

13) My next graduate school class has started. I know that I am crazy, but I am one of those weird people that loves being in school. I love learning and thinking and having my ideas challenged.....I even love the professor who talks too much (kinda like the one I have now) because inevitably, they'll say something super interesting that will make me nod my head or scribble furiously in my notebook. I don't love the homework, but it's a small price to pay (well, that and the bill I got) for an education.

Reason #127

Reason #127 why I love blogging so much-well, just read the comments you all left yesterday. OK, OK, there were only four, but those four comments made my day and kept me smiling. Thank you thank you thank you!

(127 was an arbitrary number, but it sounded good and I bet if I really worked on it I'd be able to come up with 126 reasons why I do love blogging, as inconsistent as I am! Oh, and NPW, I DID want to punch her out. Seriously.)

Yesterday was apparently a good comment day all around---so I share a few more with you that I got in person that also made me feel good....and so that you don't think that everything people say is negative!

"Could you please gain some weight in your ass so the rest of us feel better?"
(I totally loved that one because I'm a little happy with the fact that-so far-I've gained very little weight in that area. And that was a woman, not a man saying that. Does that make it creepy? Somehow, it didn't feel that way.)

"You are the CUTEST pregnant woman! My daughter told me that your husband is SO excited!"
(Her daughter had my husband as a teacher last year. And he is excited, in a very endearing, loving way.)

And this, from the mother of a student I haven't seen in awhile:
"You look so good! You're six months along? Then you look REALLY good!"

I think part of my happiness also definitely came from the fact that my daughter was kicking and moving all day long yesterday. She is one strong little lady let me tell you. She already kicks so hard that my stomach literally moves on the outside. And, for the record, I have no idea why people say it's like an alien inside of you. I mean, it IS a little weird that there is a little person inside of you, but whenever she moves it makes me happy. That's my daughter! I also got some paperwork on being selected to be trained as a BEST portfolio scorer over the summer (if you are a teacher in CT, or know a teacher in CT then you know what the BEST portfolio is. If you aren't, then trust me, you are lucky.) I threw it right away. Didn't even consider it. My god that felt GOOD!
(Wait, I'm having a weird sense of deja vu....did I already write that whole alien thing on another post? Oh well, if I did then chalk it up to pregnancy brain.)

Smiles all around!

Comments

I decided I seriously need to share some of the things that people say to a pregnant woman. Because you need to hear them. And then tell me how I'm supposed to respond....so here you go, a random sampling....(And, no, I didn't make ANY of these up!)

"I knew you were having a girl because your face structure has changed and girls suck the beauty right out of you!"


"My God you got big!"

"Every time I see you, you get a bit bigger....it looks like you ate a watermelon over the weekend!"

"So...how much weight have you gained?"

"Are your ankles swollen yet?" (This said while peering down in the general direction of my feet, which, yes, I can still see and no, they are not swollen--yet!)


I could keep going, but are you getting the picture? I don't know that people think before they speak. Or perhaps that they don't realize that what they are saying is downright rude and just a little hurtful. I have to say though, I am learning a lot about what NOT to say to a pregnant lady. Stick with telling me I'm beautiful (because that is what every pregnant woman needs to hear frankly), and asking me about the miracle that is my daughter.

Oh boy....

Mondays are always rough....no one likes rolling out of bed early and getting themselves ready for a week of work. But you KNOW you are going to have a rough week when your Monday starts out like this....

• No less than three students asked me where they put their Friday folders. Three. !!! Despite the fact that there is a large black crate sitting on the same table it's sat on every Monday morning since September clearly labeled with a bright red sign that says Friday folders.
• Two of my students completely forgot which way to go to get to music class. (Yes, I was with them, a few paces behind though and actually had to redirect them.) The music room has been in the same spot since the school opened.
• Another student of mine came in a bit late and then took a couple of tries to get to music. First she went to the wrong place, then she forgot her music folder.
• And, finally, another student asked me (actually this student asks this question almost every day) which computer day it was, even though, again, clearly written on the board the way it has been since the beginning of the school year.

All of this before 9:30.

And people wonder why I'm so tired by the end of the day!

Weekend in review

I'm supposed to be typing up a unit for my reading curriculum committee meeting tomorrow. But I don't want to for many many reasons that boil down to something like extreme annoyance with the whole committee, frustration over the work and plain old stubbornness. I will overcome all of this and get myself moving and frantically typing because that is how I roll....soon.

For now, it was a glorious three day weekend for us school teachers so I think I will share some weekend festivities with you, dear bloggers.

Driving home Friday after a LONG week filled with way too many meetings I spontaneously called up a massage place I had never been to before. Answering all the prerequisite questions for a pregnant lady I then asked if they had any appointments for the weekend. Lo and behold, they did! I think I even told the man on the phone that I loved him, such was my joy at this news. Saturday dawned and all I could think about was lying on my belly for a full hour! A full HOUR! This is what excites me now. Unfortunately, it was not to be, because I had missed one very essential question when I was interrogating the lovely gentleman who offered me the Saturday appointment.....do you have a special pregnancy massage table? No, no they didn't... so I had to lay on my side, which is the whole cause of my back pain anyway, but trust me, I still enjoyed the massage. So much so that I might have even been snoring. Or drooling. Or both. And the guilt I was feeling over spending the money evaporated the second she put the hot towels on my feet. Such bliss.

My relaxing day continued with a haircut that I had booked awhile ago (I swear, I haven't had this much pampering in one day since I got married). And quickly evaporated when I learned that the one friend that was coming over to watch the game on Sunday had turned into one more friend, and his girlfriend, and our two sets of neighbors with their two year old. And, of course, promises of "I'll take care of everything" turned into "Can you make sausage and peppers? And what should we make for an appetizer?" A quick dash to the grocery store, an even quicker change and we headed out to hang out with some good friends whom we don't see nearly enough. Saturday night ended with a lovely meal, some ridiculously delicious cake, wonderful conversations and a sleepy drive home late at night...

Sunday dawned and I was off to church with Mom and Dad, as is my custom. Afterwards I dashed home and I do believe I turned into the Tasmanian devil. Meat was fried, peppers were cleaned and chopped, dip was made, chips were opened, beer was refrigerated.....while Russ bustled around just as much cleaning everything. People started to arrive at 1, and stayed. And stayed. And stayed. Some left. Then they came back. And stayed some more. But it was great fun, and we loved having friends over to hang out with us- especially since one of them was teasing Russ about being rich because of our lake view. Ha! Hardly! Plus a Superbowl with the Patriots and the Giants is just too crazy for words.....at least here in CT where we are split right down the middle.....
And Monday I recuperated from the craziness of the two preceding days by doing very little except eating some of my Mom's delicious lasagna.

Milestones

Today is a milestone: our baby is 20 weeks old. That means I am halfway through my pregnancy, and she is halfway here.

Another, slightly less significant, milestone is that for the first time in seventeen weeks I haven't thrown up ONCE this week.
To celebrate this milestone here are some belly shots. One from what I used to look like (and will never look like again) and one from this morning. Sorry about my arm in that shot, it's 6 am people.

(Here I am two weeks--or four days-- pregnant.)

Twenty weeks later.....

A Shift in Perspective

One of the things that they don't tell you about pregnancy (I'm discovering there are a lot of these) is that your perspective shifts. You suddenly find yourself thinking about things in a whole new way....and I'm not even talking about the Big things. The thoughts that keep you up at night when you are going to the bathroom every two hours (which is preparation for nursing I think)......thoughts like "Can we afford to feed and clothe a baby and pay for day care and pay our mortgage and all of our bills and maybe even buy a new car soon? How about college and, oh my goodness her wedding? And once we pay for college and her wedding will we have enough money to retire or are we going to be working until we are 80 years old? We should really look into our retirement savings, maybe we should talk to a financial planner.....let's add that to my to-do list for tomorrow, to find a financial planner....speaking of to-do list, I have to call hospitals to find out about birthing classes, and the church to find out about baptismal classes....when can I do this? Maybe tomorrow, no, not tomorrow I have a meeting before and after school and there's never enough time during lunch, maybe on Wednesday...."

No, I'm not even talking about those thoughts. I'm talking about ordinary every day things suddenly taking on new meaning. Food for example. Once upon a time food used to just be food. Now, I'll be eating breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, and I think in terms of servings--"OK, veggies, protein, dairy....no fruit, I have to eat fruit later....and for breakfast I had whole grains and more dairy.....so I better have more veggies for dinner and maybe another serving of protein." Food is no longer just peanut butter and jelly and an apple. Nope, now it's about wondering if my baby is getting everything she needs and if I'm eating the right amounts of everything.

And then there are the thoughts you have when someone tells you something random and bizarre.....like this conversation yesterday: "You are really big!! Of course, you were so tiny to begin with, that's probably why...." OK, does she mean I'm big because I've gained too much weight? Have I gained too much weight? How much is too much? My book says a pound a week, am I doing that? Why is she saying it's because I was so tiny--is she trying to make up for the fact that she thinks I'm gaining too much weight? And what in the world am I supposed to say back to someone who I think is just calling me fat? Or how about this one: "When is your due date?" Me: "June 6th" "Oh! That's my dog's birthday! My sweet little blah blah blah named blah." OK, her dog has the same birthday as my due date....what is an appropriate response to that?

Then, there are shoes. Yes, shoes. If you know me at all, then you know that I love shoes. I love my high heeled, pointy toed, bad-for-my-back shoes. I think longingly of the brand new pair of brown suede high heeled shoes that are (dare I say it?) lovingly wrapped and stored in my closet, waiting to be worn. I look enviously at some of my colleagues in their snazzy high heels that clickety clack down the hall. And then I put on a pair of sensible, rubber soled shoes. Because the very thought of putting on those heels makes me wince at the pain in my lower back that is already a constant and cringe at the thought of the jarring feeling of those heels against the concrete floors that I walk on all day long. The funny part about this is that I am, apparently, known for my shoes. More than one person has told me that I will have to stop wearing the heels, or they have commented on the fact that I have stopped wearing them. Who knew people were paying so much attention to my feet all these years?

There are more.....many more....but I bet you are getting the gist. One crazy side effect of pregnancy is that you really do have all of these thoughts about everything all the time. I mean, I know you do normally, but this is way beyond normal....

It's a.....

GIRL!!!!

Here are some pictures from today--the day we found out we are having a daughter. The day she is 19 weeks old.

This is her foot: (See it there? Right in the middle? We already know she has five toes and five fingers. We saw them today. Of course, I'm sure I'll still count them once she joins us in the outside world.)

And in this picture- this is where you see that she is a little girl. It doesn't look like much, but it's her little bottom-to the left (and her legs are to the right) and then the three itty-bitty blobbish lines to the left of the + sign are the female parts:

And here is another picture- she was moving to suck her thumb here:

Everything was measured--and I do mean everything....her bones, her organs, her head.....They checked to be sure that everything was where it was supposed to be and that there were no genetic defects or chromosomal problems and that everything was developing properly. And everything was. We really did create a miracle......

Proof positive

Right before vacation....that is, right before I became so visibly pregnant that now even strangers are asking me how far along I am, three separate events occurred that were rather telling. At least, I thought they were rather telling....I will share them with you, and let you make up your own opinions.


Event #1:

I walked into the office of a colleague and she greeted me and then glanced at my belly. "Wow!" she exclaimed, "You are really showing now!" To which I replied, "Yeah, I haven't actually gained all that much weight but it all seems to be settling right in my belly." And then she asked, "How much weight have you gained anyway?"

Event #2:

My students had been telling me that they didn't think I looked very pregnant, in fact, they thought I looked rather skinny. Until A. A took one look at me one day and said "Mrs. S, your belly is really big!"

Event #3:

A colleague of mine approached me to tell me a story....apparently another teacher had asked her how far along I was and she had said a little over three months. Apparently that teacher didn't believe her....she was convinced I was further along than that based on my belly.

(For those of you that have seen me recently, keep in mind all of this happened BEFORE Christmas break....before I truly "popped".)

Your thoughts on these events?

Christmas marathon

OK, OK, I know that Christmas has become a memory for many of you and the only thought you may have of it at this late date is when you drive by the sad Christmas trees abandoned by the side of the road (seriously, is there anything more sad than a Christmas tree after Christmas?) but still...I haven't written about Christmas so here it is. My marathon post about my marathon Christmas.....

Christmas in our family is always more of a marathon than a sprint. The festivities begin long before Christmas arrives and end long after Christmas is actually over. As a child this was the best thing EVER because it meant lots of presents and a holiday of gift giving that lasted forever. As a hormonal teenager I was occasionally bored at the various family events but went to them anyways, recognizing the value of tradition and family. As an adult I cherish these events because they are the hallmarks of my childhood and because in a crazy world they are unchanged and comforting. Now that we're expecting our first child I approached every event with a new thought: "at this time next year we'll have a 7 month old!" or "I can't wait until my baby gets to do this!" Pretty cool.

Anyway...a week before Christmas two events happened: my father's side of the family had their annual Christmas party and we hosted our first (hopefully annual) cookie exchange. My father's family Christmas party is the same every year...it's in the same VFW hall, with the same recycled decorations....the food is pot luck and usually consists of sandwiches, the occasional hot food item and yes, the dorito salad makes an appearance. We turn the lights off every year and stand in a big circle singing Christmas carols (that's my favorite part) and then, just as we are kissing and wishing all a Merry Christmas Santa arrives and starts handing out presents. Everyone from birth to 18 sits on Santa's lap to get a present (it's rather embarassing when you are 15 and older, but when you turn 18--well, it's like a graduation). Then we open our presents from family members. Everyone gets a name so everyone gets a present...the kids get multiple presents. Eventually people bundle up and head out leaving behind a few poor souls to clean up and take down the decorations to be saved for another year.

Our cookie exchange was low key and lovely. We didn't invite too many people, partly because we weren't organized enough to do so and partly because we liked the idea of keeping it small and simple. I'd say it was just about perfect. Everyone left with a snazzy tin filled with delicious cookies and there were even left overs to be shared with neighbors and friends. We definitely want to do it again next year.....

Christmas Eve was also a new event, that may also become an annual one. We hosted our parents for Christmas Eve dinner: also known as the Seven Fishes Dinner in my Italian family. Not being a fish lover this was always a meal I hated and I usually ate bread throughout much of this meal (no meat allowed after all!). My sister even pointed out that it was funny that we hosted this dinner since I hate fish so much (unless it's sushi of course, I know I'm weird!) But somehow, hosting it this year.....well, it was different. I still don't like fish, but I was brave and tried everything. But what made it different was that this meal always took place at Nonnie's house. Every year my whole family: aunts, uncles and cousins would gather at Nonnie's for this meal and sit around the table for HOURS just eating and eating and eating and the food never stopped coming. At least it felt that way. Hosting this meal for my parents and my in laws made me feel like my Nonnie was smiling down on me. Seeing as how it was our first Christmas without her it was a really great feeling....

OK, I know I'm not even up to Christmas yet but I also know that dinner is ready, and the baby wants to eat. I'll finish my marathon post about my marathon Christmas another day. Soon. Promise.